I'm grumpy. Most of the time. EVERYTHING irritates me lately. Except the kiddos, well, the baby. Jordan doesn't for the most part, but I'm easily snappable at the 13 year old. I don't want to be the grumpy bitchy mom. It's only me after all. I want to be the mom who does fun stuff, but I also have to be the enforcer. I haven't had much trouble with it until now. How does a single mom accomplish that?
I feel like maybe, sometimes I am a bit hard on him. I snapped a couple of days ago when he asked, again, about buying dress shoes. He will wear dress shoes maybe three times a year. He needs to wear them to a wedding next weekend. But, I am BROKE. Not the oh, we can wait until payday broke, but broke like I have about -$500 at the end of every month broke. So, I said he could call his Uncle and see if he has any size 11 dress shoes that he could possibly wear to this wedding and we'd buy some before the next time he needs them. Then 2 minutes later he asked again. SOOO, we got into a huge fight and I told him about all the medical bills and everything. I also told him I don't have to explain my decisions to him, yada yaada. How do I get a 13 year old to just be a kid and not have to worry about money? We made up and hugged and I apologized about blowing up and explained to him that I want to buy him everything his big ole heart desires, but I can't. We are living on a need-only basis. The wants need to be written down and saved for birthday or Christmas or whatever. It breaks my heart to not be able to get him that new game he really really wants or take him to the movies at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, I usually wouldn't just snap about that. Maybe I need to go to my doctor. Since having Lucas, I've been moodier and can't lose weight and a few other things you probably don't want to hear about. I'm not up to par and really want to be.
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